“Why do you need people to tell you what you did was cool?”

Two days ago, I didn’t feel so well . I slept late, got up later and I didn’t go to school. I was tired. Tired of many things and I just needed to take a break from life. I know I can’t escape the routine but …sometimes I try.
That’s how stubborn I am.
I had a very interesting conversation with my brother. We’ve started talking to each other again (we always find a way around…we love each other too much :D) and I was trying to explain to him how much I needed people to tell me what I did was great. In fact, I was blatantly laying down to him how much I needed approval.
I sometimes go on air on the University Teaching Radio Station (CHARIOT FM 93.5) and I have been pleading with him to listen and tell me how I did.
He has never listened.
He is cool. Seriously. It’s as though nothing ever fazes him. He hardly talks and always has witty comebacks. We have many things in common but one thing I know for a fact he lacks (that I know I HAVE IN EXCESS) is the need for approval!
Then he asked: “Why do you need people to tell you what you did was cool?”
I had nothing to say.
That is a perfect question-the ultimate question.
I started babbling a list of reasons as to how it feels good for people to say: “Oh! That editorial was so cool!” or “I wish I could be like you.” or maybe a cute lady would walk up to me and say something like: “Hey…are you Kamga? I heard you the other day on the radio…I love you…would you marry me?!!”
(Yeah…right…)
Why do I need approval? He got me thinking. It made me ashamed I’ll admit.
Does it mean all I do is for OTHER persons? Does it mean I work so hard at being better just so OTHER people will say :“You did a great job?!”
WHERE IS MY SELF WORTH!!?
He is smart …my brother…and he has brought a change in me.
It might be in you too. I mean… why do you work so hard? What drives you? Are you internally motivated or (like me) externally dependent of people’s opinions?
External motivation is good up till when it isn’t. Everyone loves to feel like he/she is doing something worthy of praise .It’s pleasurable for humans to actually admit another human did better …but that should not be an end.
It should be a means—to gauge not a goal per se!
Internal motivation is the key; whatever you do-if you chose to love someone, if you choose to study, to work on a project, to have a child(although that is a whole book on its own) ,to go to school, to work hard ,to help someone ,WHATEVER do it because YOU want to not because your friends or family or neighbors or OTHERS will be proud of you. Their approval should be SECONDARY.
It’s great if they do approve but is should not be the goal.
I’m tired of seeking approval. It’s a nasty habit. It drains me. It’s probably what got me this tired.
I’m going to detox.

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7 comments

  1. Like the article. A lot. But I won’t compliment any further, as I assume it’s meant to be non-approval seeking. I’m kidding. In your own words: “Oh! This post is so cool.” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I must say you have taken one of the best decisions ever, in your life and it’s good you realized you have been; should I say seeking for notice and approval? Many a young people today do things not because they want to change behaviors and impact somebody’s life or use, judiciously, their God-given talents, but because they want to impress their peers. This habit is kills the mindset and the thinking capacity even more than the most deadly poison you would ever imagine.
    It may be difficult to cope with the fact that most at times your peers will see but the wrong side of whatever you do. I assure you that is to strengthen you and make you work more to express rather than spend your whole life seeking for approval.
    Let me find out from you. For the time you been seeking for approval, how many people have “sincerely” acknowledged what you?
    Remember, “The real fault is to have faults and not to amend them”.
    Goodluck brother!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed ” The real fault is to have faults and not to amend them”. It is a difficult world and finding drive is even harder. Things move really fast and the most used method to gauge progress is peer comments. It sucks when one gets dependent. I am working on that fault of mine. 😀 Thanks!

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