“Can I have your number now?”

I wrote this for a short story contest…of course I didn’t win…but I’d like to get your take.

I even smuggled a smile.
She stopped halfway through the heart-shaped biscuit, looked distractedly at the child carrying a tray of “Miondo”. Then she turned towards me.
It was the first time she looked into my eyes. Our random chat on family and old times had drowned the 2-hour wait. The conductor had just announced the departure of my bus and I knew,deep in my right knee,that this was the lady I would spend my life with.
“Give me one good reason.”
I don’t know why my throat went dry. She had grinned at my stupid stories on travel misfortunes but her dimples this time glowed different. They were carved into her sun burnt skin. Her white teeth punctuated by a single brown spot.
I thought my shirt will tear open from the pounding.
“We have known each other since Form 2.We have grown by each other’s side. My mother loves you, your father hates me.”
Another smile.
“He …has his reasons”, I added.
I came closer, surprised myself by taking her farm bruised hands into my sweaty palms. My breath quickened.
“Amina… I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling. The only thing I know is; when I come back from the village, I want to be complete and I feel in here, in my heart,that that smile … is the only thing that can make me happy.”
She pulled her hands abruptly. Stood up and straightened her skirt. Then, she walked away.
I prayed for the tray of “Miondo” to crash on my head.
How appropriate-my watch stopped.
14-05-2020 12.15pm.
Then, the sweetest sound on earth:
“So… are you coming to take the number or what?”

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4 comments

  1. wow … this is really cool … I really felt your emotions. and I just love how you say, “I knew, deep in my right knee,that this was the lady I would spend my life with.” other writers might say, “deep in my heart” but I love how you took a totally different perspective. Nice!

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    1. 🙂 Thank you so much for noticing that. I’m happy I was able to connect. With so many wonderful writers, it takes a lot to compete. I’m not sure I’m there yet, but I know with comments like these,I will muster the courage to try harder. Thanks.

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