I wrote this post a long time ago. About one year ago actually. It has been sitting in my computer for some time and I thought I’d share it with you. I don’t know how to categorize this post. I read through it and felt almost the same as when I was writing it. But trust me … a lot has changed since then. Sometimes our greatest wish is that the people we love most escape from the mistakes we made. Sadly…I am beginning to acknowledge the fact that…some lessons are best learned through experience…
Brother Left Today.
Sadness. A feeling? A state? Or is it loneliness? Being away from someone you miss. Or worse, someone who misses you? I don’t recall the first time I felt it. But I know I have to consciously palpate it in order to escape from it. It’s not a pretty scene, especially on my unusually expressive face. But I guess I now know I just have to deal with it…like the rest of life you know…
My Brother left for school today. It’s his last academic year in secondary school. We are not the best brothers on earth , we don’t have secret handshakes or cryptographic language or anything of the sort. He is my brother. That is it. He is the only brother I will ever have (the validity of this statement is arguable only by my mom…I don’t think my dad has much to say…). He is my blood and as cheesy as it sounds I actually care about him.
He is School Prefect, something I never was in my day. So his ‘back to school’ grief begins earlier than the rest, and my: ‘I’m sad my brother’s gone’ torment begins now. I know I will feel great in a few days but now, RIGHT NOW, I don’t think it is happening.
He is taller than I am,(better looking too!!) and I even think he has friends who are girls(weird ,cuz at his age all I thought about was video games and how to get better at playing them… maybe I’m not saying the whole truth… “Do not judge and….”).He is smart and lazy (I guess that is how I was sure we were brothers after all) and the difference in our age makes me see all my mistakes in him. We have varied interests when it comes to trivial hobbies. We wear the same size of clothes (mostly) and shoes too!!(it sucks actually…when you really think about it).
I have not been the best brother (It’s a work in progress…as usual) and I have undergone many life makeovers such that our relationship has never been the way it is “supposed” to be. Maybe it’s the best it is right now or maybe we have worked really far to come to this state but as humans I believe we always have to strive for improvement, in all things(without of course hurting our neighbors).
It was worse when we were young .We would fight (or I he would trash me…) and we would spend hours not speaking to each other. No matter how many times it was drummed into my head I had to treat him with “care”, “love”, “affection” ,I didn’t get it ,and I don’t get it now either. What I know is this:
We don’t choose our family, it chooses us. We have to live with these ‘friendly enemies’ at one point or the other. We must not like them but we have to protect them. We must not enjoy their personality but have to adapt. We should never hate them but rather their character and try to teach them what we feel is best for all. We can’t manipulate, cheat, despise or subjugate the (weaker) members of our family for any reason.
I understand that we are human; bundled with the shortcomings that make us each unique. It is the diversity of humanity that makes its beauty. We get mad, we get pissed, we get sad but we can choose not to. We are NOT our feelings. We are NOT our emotions. We are better than them and we have in us all the weapons we need combat our feeble human nature.
I’m not perfect. No one is. But taking life a single step at a time, learning from our mistakes, feeding from our experiences and praying for heavenly guidance and protection, we can attain what I dub ‘perfect imperfection’.
As I sit here eating my rice and stew with bread for breakfast, I wonder where the only member of my family of six(who understands my silly jokes and lame wordplay) is…I miss him but…eh whatever.
I declare today Brothers’ Feast day!!To all those with brothers wish them a happy brothers’ day. Remember we live just once, have fun and mostly importantly-BE HAPPY!!
Have a nice day y’all!!