Blog Title involves being single and associated emotions

From @himanivatyani's profile

I know I promised you two posts but I’d like…with your permission…to get a little selfish here to talk about…well…me. 🙂 
Also because I am lazy and still working on the other  posts.
Seriously though, I had to write this post. Yesterday evening was awful.
My original title for this post was : “I am single and it sucks”. My  friend told me I would sound like such a loser.
Maybe he was right. Maybe I sound like a loser.
Maybe I am  a loser.

 But, being single and being a loser have one thing in common:
both suck.
And in the post, I’ll explain why it sucks so much.
For me at least.

Or maybe I could discover at the end that it doesn’t and that I just want somebody to love me as much as I love her.
And that that somebody should not be my mom.
Like a best friend I can make-out with.
What beats that?
Priesthood maybe.But then again, it had never EVER crossed my mind to get into priesthood.
We’ll have this discussion another day.
I am single and it sucks.

I AM SINGLE.


Why? Entirely my fault. I complicate every conversation and I am always looking for a reason to be the smarter one. I have stringent rules( which I hardly obey) and expect everyone to. I use my brain more than my heart.
Word of advice: Don’t be an idiot. Don’t be me.
I lost the ‘idea’ of the ideal wife( yes, wife…not girlfriend) a long time ago.
 Here is what the profile of my ideal wife looked like:
A. Short in stature( to be precise…shorter than me)
B.  Fair in complexion( what is it with fair in complexion chicks? Maybe it’s my Dad’s fault…)
C. Speaks fluent English and French ( yep I am a language nerd)
D. Loves cooking( duh)
E. Loves kids and wants to have at least four( and bonus if she would ensure that the first is a girl)
F. Plays Chess.
G. Plays video games.
H. Loves books and movies.
I. Organized. Very.
J. Less lazy than I am( very important this point was)
K. Meticulous with money.
L. Other positive values.
M. More positive and ESPECIALLY unrealistic values.
N. More.
O.You get the point
P-Z. If you have not gotten the point…just…continue reading.
Yep.
I lived with this human in my head.
This image of the ‘perfect’ *scoffs* girlfriend.
Rubbish! 
Why do I keep creating humans in my head?  Maybe I take marriage too seriously.
Anyway, that is what the profile for  my ideal girlfriend  looked like.
 I still have a profile now.
Who doesn’t?
Don’t judge me! Consciously or not, if you look at the ladies or men you accost  (especially those you are dying to get romantically involved with), the character traits  become evident. For example:
1. I have hardly sustained a long relationship with a lady who spoke just French or English.
2. I love eating and am quite lazy so, I get really irritable when the hunger kicks in. I eat to live harmoniously with other humans.
This is paramount to my relationships.
Those who know me would confirm this.
3. And if a lady( or even dude) can’t sustain a conversation of more than 15 minutes with me, there is a likelihood we will not be having conversations AT ALL.
Communication =Relationships 101. Basics.
Yes,I do have a profile.
Not of the ideal woman anymore. There’s no such thing as ‘ideal’!
I think the word  was invented by a grumpy single grammar nerd who knew exactly how unfair the world was and chose to punish lots of humans after him. I am certain it was a ‘he’.
Only men get that grumpy.
Long before my crush crushed me, I had already had a change of heart concerning my principles . So, here goes nothing…
 Profile of my not-so-ideal woman:
A. Ambitious.
B. Will work honestly to achieve her goals.
C. Stubborn.
D.Likes me.
-An ambitious woman  can easily become an idea machine.
-Someone who works honestly won’t do evil or use people to achieve his or her goals.
-A stubborn person fights for her beliefs.
-Anybody who likes me deserves to be ‘liked by me’.
 Note that  I did not say ‘Loves me‘.
Now that is a complicated. It is a word that makes me grateful to be human. Just like the concept of The Holy Trinity. If you can understand those two, there’s a high probability you are not human.
You’re not supposed to understand them.
At least in my opinion.

 IT SUCKS!

I am not a slave driver. I don’t want people to work FOR me but WITH me. I believe the highest level of any human relationship is interdependence. Everyone relying on each other.
Complementarity.
Yesterday night, I returned from a long day in school and from running errands around the city.
Exhausted.
I could feel in my eye sockets the desire to have someone help take my shoes off while I laid on my back. This someone, coaxing me gently into a bath and then preparing a delicious meal for my revitalization.
And she, muttering the most awesome phrase in the world:
You’ll be alright”.
I looked at my room, the emptiness, the scattered and unwashed garments.
It sucked.Truly did.
I was hungry and tired. I stepped out, bought some food by the roadside. Ate a little and started writing. Too exhausted to finish, I slept without even my daily reading regiment.
I slept alone, in my cold but comfortable mood. Sent a couple of text messages and introspected a little.
I have not always been this way.
I won’t die of loneliness-that I’m certain.
My mother raised me well, I can cook and take care of myself.
But, some days, I just wish I had someone to look after me.
Is that so much to ask?
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17 comments

  1. Damn Kamga, this has got to be the most honest post I’ve read in my life. This doesn’t just apply to being single but also for some people who are in distant relationships. Sometimes u need someone to just hold, to come home to and after having a crazy day someone who would just smile at u and make u feel better. Someone who’ll support u and most people don’t understand how important it. Well my dear congrats on ur work and like u said, u definitely won’t end this loife alone. I pray u meet ur girl soon😉…thank you for ur words. It went deep into my soul and it made me realize a few things. Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so pleased you were touched by my words Jenny. Very pleased. My thoughts on being single have changed in the years after I wrote that post…for the better I think. I believe there is a time for everything- even for living the single life. I am currently single and it is not as bad as I had thought. Plus, I get to really come to terms with who I am and what I want. If I can’t love myself, I may not be able to love another. Thank you again my special one.

      Like

  2. I don’t care if you narrow down your criteria to;
    1. Gender…should be “female”
    Face it dude, you’ll never find that “female” because you just weren’t born for women of this generation who have high brows and wear high heels. You are going to die alone. It’s going to suck. I certainly do hope it does. The more it sucks, the more awesome articles I would get to read.
    Long story short, happy single life. For my own selfish interests, I can certainly wish you no better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tsi Nkwe. please have pity on the poor dude. We all know that but we try not to rub it in. Allow him at least to dream, so we carve on his tombstone: ‘His dream, was finding a woman’.
      Love you Kamga, just can’t sit out an opportunity to ruffle your feathers.
      xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Great one my friend. Loved it.
      But anyone who finds any of these strange, hasn’t been around you for a day. What troubles though is your ability to see your shortcomings in relationships and your inabilities to devote time to improve them. Not even once did you express what you would do for this someone special.
      You are lonely? Join the club. Just for the fun of it, I will paraphrase something I always tell girls.”stop waiting for prince charming. Go out there and get him. The poor guy is probably stuck in a tree somewhere in need of rescuing himself”.
      Here is an idea for an article “Why do I always want to be the smarter one?”. If you fall short, be sure to contact your ‘ami’ Sheldon Cooper for guides.
      The problem with a woman such as your ideal is that, she isn’t looking for a relationship in which she has to work. She wants it buttered and served on a platter.
      Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, drop the lazy pants and give more articles. Luv u.
      NB: Ideal wife or girlfriend? Heavy emphasis on wife then it narrows to girlfriend after z. Style?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ”stop waiting for prince charming. Go out there and get him. The poor guy is probably stuck in a tree somewhere in need of rescuing himself” lmao! I am definitely stuck in my tree. Thanks for your earnest comment. You are right indeed. I need to get off my lazy ass and write( and find ‘the one'(whatever that means…)). I’ll take the journey as it comes. At least, the lonelier I get, the more I find what stops me from being lonely. Thanks again.

        Like

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